Friday, September 09, 2005 When I was in Grade 2 I nearly killed my brother. We were crouched on top of an old dresser in the basement throwing paper airplanes. Mine was flying farther, so my brother leapt off the dresser, ran to the corner and crumpled my plane, then scrambled back up to throw his again. I did the only sensible thing I could ... pushed him off the dresser. Brad konked his head on the concrete floor with enough force to cause a seemingly unstoppable nosebleed. I felt quite justified in my actions, and was rather annoyed to learn I had a date with the wooden spoon once the crisis was over. As my parents fussed over my bleeding brother, I pulled on my snow pants in a huff and decided to run away. THAT would show them. I marched to the end of the block and sat in a snow bank waiting for the missing child dragnet to arrive. An hour later, I gave up and trudged home with a frozen bum, and a head full of steam. Ah, never a dull moment in the Steele household. Poor Mom. I imagine that having children is both the greatest blessing and biggest challenge in life. I say imagine, because despite the fact I intended to have at least one of my own, it just never happened. I could blame shift work, or career aspirations, but the truth is my maternal clock has never had batteries, and apparently I have some company in this regard. According to a 2001 survey by Statistics Canada nearly one in 10 Canadians does not plan to have children. The reasons range from "Not having met the right partner, living with a partner who does not want children, or having a career that is too fulfilling or demanding to allow time for the care of a child." In a 2003 report called Childfree by Choice Statscan researchers wrote: "Those who opt to stay childfree constitute a small minority that often feel obliged to justify their decision ... It appears our 'kidcentric' society tends to leave those without children feeling inadequate, left out, judged or misunderstood." I don't feel inadequate. Misunderstood maybe. My decision not to have children doesn't mean I don't love "other" people's children. Whenever a day-glow fur pumpkin waddles up my front porch and hollers "HALLOWEEN APPLES!" I turn into the warm and fuzzy Grinch at the end of the movie, all sappy smiles, with a cartoon heart pulsing with love for a knee-high human being I've never met. I would donate an organ to my niece or nephews. Take a bullet in their stead. They are beautiful and special young people. I'm proud of them, and would do anything for them. I just don't need children of my own. Some people don't get it, saying "Who's going to take care of you when you're old and frail?" Well -- in a perfect world I'll grow old with my best friend, my husband. But if fate determines I'm the last one standing, I have a plan. I'll gather up some of my girlfriends and we'll rent a house on a cliff in Greece. We'll sit on the porch, sip chilled white wine, play cards, and get fat, as we watch the sun dip into the sea each night. Family. It's a word with many definitions. Babes Without Babes is an Edmonton group for women over the age of 35 who do not have children. The next mingle event is Oct. 20. Pre-register at info@babeswithoutbabes.com. For childless Edmonton couples, No Kidding! is a social club for couples and singles without children. For info: www.edmonton.nokidding.net |
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